Gay couple sitting on sofa and looking at digital tablet
Chemsex is not simply about sex and drugs. It is also about connection, desire, loneliness, identity, mental health and the difficult conversations that our community cannot keep avoiding.
By Raul Medina | Chief Editor, Queerland Media
Content note: This article discusses drug use, addiction, sexual health, mental health and death. It is intended to inform, encourage awareness and promote access to support without judging or stigmatising anyone.
Let's talk about chemsex. Honestly.
I have lived in different cities and countries, and over the years, I have witnessed how social and dating apps have transformed the way people meet, connect and experience their sexuality.
I belong to a generation that watched platforms such as Grindr emerge and become part of everyday life for many gay and bisexual men. These apps opened doors, created opportunities and changed the way we approached dating, sex and relationships.
But they also introduced me to conversations I did not fully understand at the time. Chemsex was one of them. I remember coming across the term in conversations with men online. At first, I did not know exactly what it meant. In the social circles I knew when I was younger, conversations about recreational drugs often revolved around marijuana or cocaine, particularly at parties.
But chemsex was something different. Or at least, it was something I had not encountered in the same way. I found myself asking questions. Was it fun? What made people interested in it? Why did some men describe these experiences as exciting, intense or even liberating?
The answers I came across were often similar: longer sexual experiences, increased confidence, fewer inhibitions, intense sensations and a feeling of connection with other people.
But there was another question I could not ignore: What happens when the experience stops being fun?
What happens when something that initially feels like freedom starts taking control of someone's life?
That is where this conversation needs to begin.
What exactly is chemsex?
Chemsex refers to the intentional use of psychoactive substances before or during sexual activity to enhance, facilitate or change the sexual experience. The practice is particularly associated with some gay and bisexual men's communities and transgender people, especially in sexual networks involving men who have sex with men.
However, chemsex is not exclusive to gay men, nor is it something that only happens within LGBTQ+ communities.
The substances commonly associated with chemsex include methamphetamine, GHB, GBL and mephedrone. Other substances, such as cocaine, ketamine, MDMA and alcohol, may also be involved.
The specific substances and patterns of use vary between countries, cities and social environments.
Internationally, people may refer to chemsex using expressions such as:
Party and Play (PnP): A term frequently used in dating apps and online communities.
High and Horny (HnH): An expression referring to being under the influence of substances during sexual encounters.
Sessions or chill-outs: Words sometimes used to describe gatherings or extended encounters involving chemsex.
In Finland, the terms kemseksi and kamaseksi are also used.
These expressions may look like ordinary dating-app language, but understanding what they mean can help us recognise when a conversation is moving into the world of sexualised drug use.
Why do people engage in chemsex?
By Wallpaper
There is no single answer. For some people, chemsex is about pleasure, curiosity, sexual exploration or the desire to experience something different and for others, it may be connected to a need for confidence, intimacy, emotional connection or a temporary escape from everyday pressures.
Some people describe feeling more comfortable in their bodies, less anxious about their appearance, more sexually confident or more connected to others. We need to be honest about that.
If we want to understand chemsex, we cannot only talk about its negative consequences. We also need to understand what people feel they are getting from these experiences.
For some LGBTQ+ people, particularly those who have experienced rejection, bullying, discrimination, loneliness or difficulties accepting their sexuality, the possibility of feeling accepted and free from inhibition can be appealing.
This does not mean that every person who engages in chemsex has experienced trauma, struggles with their identity or has low self-esteem. That would be an unfair generalisation but social isolation, stigma, mental health challenges and the search for belonging can be important parts of the wider conversation.
Sometimes, what begins as an experience shared with others can become a way of dealing with emotions that are much harder to face when the party ends.
Understanding why someone participates is not the same as encouraging the behaviour. It is the first step towards having a meaningful conversation.
When pleasure becomes a problem
By magnific.com
Not every chemsex experience is the same because some people engage occasionally. Others participate more frequently. Some feel they can stop or take a break whenever they choose, while others begin to experience difficulties controlling their consumption.
The important distinction is not simply whether someone has participated in chemsex.
It is whether that behaviour is beginning to affect their health, relationships, responsibilities, finances, emotional wellbeing or ability to make decisions.
There are signs worth paying attention to:
Feeling unable to have sex or enjoy intimacy without substances.
Increasing the frequency or duration of sessions.
Spending more money on drugs than originally intended.
Missing work, studies, appointments or important personal commitments.
Experiencing anxiety, depression, paranoia or emotional difficulties after sessions.
Feeling isolated from friends and family.
Trying to stop or reduce consumption but finding it increasingly difficult.
Continuing despite experiencing physical, emotional or social consequences.
A person does not need to reach a crisis point before asking for help.
And addiction does not always look the way people expect. Someone may continue working, socialising and maintaining an apparently normal life while privately struggling with their relationship with substances.
This is one of the reasons why the subject deserves more visibility.
Chemsex becomes particularly concerning when a person starts losing control over their choices, their wellbeing and their relationship with sex - I would like to add that some of the experiences I write about here are things that have been shared with me in private—in confidence—and that I have listened to.
The risks are real. And they go beyond drugs.
Chemsex can involve serious risks to physical and mental health - Long or intense sexual encounters, reduced awareness of pain and impaired judgement can increase the possibility of physical injuries and sexual health risks.
Let’s be adults about this: 72% of gay men did not use a condom during their last sexual encounter. A new survey conducted by FS Magazine has revealed some concerning statistics, indicating that the majority of gay and bisexual men did not use a condom the last time they had sex. Depending on the circumstances, there may also be increased exposure to HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Access to condoms, lubricant, regular STI testing, HIV prevention and appropriate sexual health services remains important.
It is also essential to understand that combining substances can make their effects unpredictable and significantly increase the risk of serious harm.
GHB and GBL, in particular, can cause life-threatening poisoning. Combining them with alcohol or other substances that depress the central nervous system can be especially dangerous. The risks are not theoretical. They are part of the reality that people engaging in chemsex, and those around them, need to understand.
Consent: a conversation we cannot avoid
There is another subject that deserves much more attention: consent. Chemsex can create situations in which people experience altered judgement, reduced awareness, memory gaps or an inability to communicate clearly.
This raises important questions about personal boundaries, sexual responsibility and the ability to give and receive consent.
Consent must be freely given, informed, specific and ongoing. Agreeing to something before a session does not mean agreeing to everything that might happen later. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Someone who is unconscious or too intoxicated to understand what is happening or communicate a decision cannot provide meaningful consent.
This is why conversations about boundaries should happen before people become intoxicated. It is important to talk about what everyone is comfortable with, what is not acceptable, and how people can communicate if they want something to stop.
But responsibility does not end with the conversation.
If someone becomes unresponsive, confused, severely intoxicated or unable to look after themselves, the people around them have a responsibility to take that situation seriously.
Sexual freedom should never come at the expense of another person's safety, dignity or consent.
The other side of the story: when families discover the truth too late
Behind discussions about chemsex statistics, substances and sexual health, there are real people and families.
One story that illustrates the devastating consequences of substance-related harm is that of Ben Marshall, whose sister Chloe Marshall shared their family's experience in an account published by Gay Times.
Ben died at the age of 27 during Christmas 2022 following a cardiac arrest associated with drug use involving substances including cocaine, ketamine, GHB and methamphetamine.
According to Chloe's account, she did not fully understand the extent of her brother's struggles while he was alive. It was only after his death, when she went through his belongings and computer, that she discovered more about what he had been experiencing.
Among the things she found were drafts of blogs Ben had written about chemsex and helping people struggling with substance use. It is difficult to imagine what it means to discover those words after losing someone you love.
His story is a reminder that people can be struggling in silence, even when those closest to them have no idea how serious the situation has become. It also reminds us that awareness, honest conversations and accessible support can matter long before a situation becomes an emergency.
Behind every conversation about addiction, there may be a friend, a partner, a brother, a sister or someone who simply needs another person to notice that something is wrong.
Chemsex in Finland: a conversation that needs more visibility
Chemsex is not only an issue in London, Berlin, Amsterdam or other major European cities. It is also present in Finland. Although the phenomenon may be less visible in public discussions, it exists within Finnish sexual networks, particularly in Helsinki.
In Finland, the terminology includes kemseksi and kamaseksi, while dating-app expressions and international language are also used.
One important contribution to understanding this subject locally is a 2021 master's thesis by Panda Eriksson, titled Practicing 'Chemsex' in Finland: A Qualitative Interview Study with Seventeen HIV Positive Men Who Have Sex with Men. Read more HERE.
The research, conducted at Åbo Akademi University, explored the experiences and perceptions of men who have sex with men in Finland. The study examined how participants understood chemsex, the reasons behind engaging in it, perceived benefits and harms, harm reduction, consent and the need for appropriate support.
It is important to recognise the limitations of this research: it was a small qualitative study involving a specific group of participants, not a nationwide survey measuring how common chemsex is in Finland.
Nevertheless, it provides valuable insight into a subject that has not always received enough attention in the Finnish context. One of its important conclusions was the need for more sensitive, sexologically competent and culturally aware approaches to substance-use support.
In other words, people need services that understand the relationship between sexuality, substance use and the realities of LGBTQ+ lives.
And this brings us to an important resource.
Hivpoint: confidential support without judgement
In Finland, Hivpoint provides information and professional support for people who want to understand chemsex, reflect on their experiences or find ways to reduce harm. Its chemsex counselling is free of charge and confidential. Appointments can take place at its Helsinki office or remotely.
Importantly, Hivpoint states that information from these counselling sessions is not entered into public healthcare patient records such as Kanta.
The service is not designed to judge people or pressure them into stopping substance use. Instead, it offers a space to discuss sexuality, substance use, sexual health, consent, personal boundaries and harm reduction.
You can also reach out if you are worried about someone close to you.
Find support and information:
Hivpoint – Chemsex information and support: https://hivpoint.fi/en/chemsex/
Direct counselling information: https://hivpoint.fi/en/chemsex/support/
For someone in Finland who needs immediate emergency medical assistance, call 112.
We need to stop confusing awareness with judgement
Free photo by Unspalsh
There is a wider issue here that goes beyond chemsex. Sexuality, pleasure, drugs and addiction are subjects that many people still find difficult to discuss openly, including within LGBTQ+ communities.
For years, LGBTQ+ people we have had to challenge social attitudes that questioned our relationships, our identities and our sexual freedom and we have fought for the right to exist openly, love freely and experience our sexuality without shame.
But creating a more accepting community also means being willing to discuss the difficult realities that affect some of its members. We should be able to talk about chemsex without turning the conversation into an attack on gay men, bisexual men, transgender people or anyone who uses substances.
We should also be able to recognise that not every person who participates in chemsex has an addiction, that not every encounter has the same consequences, and that people have different experiences and relationships with substances.
At the same time, we cannot use the fear of stigma as an excuse to avoid discussing genuine risks because there is a difference between respecting someone's choices and ignoring the consequences those choices may have.
And there is a difference between judging a person and recognising that they may need help.
The answer is not more shame. The answer is more information, better support and a community that knows how to listen.
Responsibility is personal. But it is also collective.
Let's be clear about something: every adult is responsible for their own decisions, their health and the way they treat others. But personal responsibility should not become an excuse for collective indifference.
If we know someone who is struggling, we should not wait until something terrible happens before offering support. If a friend tells us they are losing control, we should listen rather than make jokes or turn their experience into gossip.
If someone becomes unwell during a session, we should not abandon them because we are afraid of being judged or getting into trouble. If we organise gatherings, invite people into our spaces or participate in sexual encounters, we should understand that looking after one another is part of creating a safer environment.
And if we work in LGBTQ+ media, community organisations or sexual health services, we have a responsibility to make reliable information accessible. Our community has always spoken about solidarity, chosen family and looking after one another. That is what I learned from a young age: solidarity within the LGBTQ+ community is real.
Those values should not disappear when the conversation becomes uncomfortable. Sometimes, being a good friend means asking a difficult question. Sometimes, it means recognising that someone needs professional help and sometimes, it simply means staying, listening and making sure that nobody is left alone when they are vulnerable.
The conversation starts here
Chemsex is not a simple subject, and there is no single answer that fits everyone. For some, it may be an occasional experience. For others, it can become a pattern that affects their physical health, emotional wellbeing, relationships and ability to feel comfortable with sex without substances.
We should never assume that we know someone's story simply because we know what they do but we should also never pretend that serious risks do not exist.
Pleasure matters. Sexual freedom matters. Personal choices matter so do health, consent, emotional wellbeing and the people who share our lives.
Perhaps the most important question is not whether chemsex is fun, exciting or part of someone's lifestyle, maybe the real question is whether we still have control over our choices, whether we are looking after ourselves and whether we are looking after the people around us.
Let's talk about chemsex. Without shame. Without judgement. But with honesty, information and responsibility.
Sources of information: doria.fi Hivpoint.fi gaytimes.com FS Magazine and Panda Eriksson with Title of thesis: Practicing ‘chemsex’ in Finland: a qualitative interview study with seventeen hiv positive men who have sex with men.
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